Pimpled Herbert

High on powdered chocolate, again, our resident columnist Fat Roland attempts to explain why florists called Clint are essential for synth construction…

Living the dream, that’s our Fats. He woke up from one the other night where he had a some great ideas about how to land a Number One the easy way. Just like THE KLF. Sort of. Desperation or blind faith, you choose

If our columnist had a time machine and went to 1988 and we pulled the plug out, accidentally, it would only take him 30 years to walk home from the past. Oh look, here he comes now…

A man who can’t understand that disco biscuits and chocolate biscuits aren’t quite the same thing, our… what’s that? He’s done it again, hasn’t he?

Codpieces, pointy bras, Kraftwerk with muskets… he thinks he’s in a period drama. Don’t worry, it’ll pass. Just try not to look him in the eye